so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
