Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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