I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
