I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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