like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
