So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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