so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
