I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
