So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
