wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
