Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
