he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
