he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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