I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
