Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
