I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
