I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
