I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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