broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
