I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Randomize
