At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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