Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
