I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
