My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
