i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
