i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
