I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Its about making memories worth repressing
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
