He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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