my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
