Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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