well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When are your genitals available?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
