i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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