everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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