Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
