I seem to have left my pride at pride
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
