My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
