from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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