he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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