she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
