After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
