what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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