she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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