Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
