I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
