You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
