i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
