I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're so nebulous sometimes
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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