The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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