Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
