I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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