you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
