I puked a lego.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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