i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
