Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
