she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
