4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
