I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
